Saturday, May 05, 2007

What's your role?

Dr. Bayer has pronounced my Grandma to be his star patient regarding how well she has responded to the chemotherapy. Praise God! Her kidneys are stable and her numbers are looking pretty good overall. Still no word on the prognosis but we are hopeful she'll be with us for quite some time. On Monday Grandma will go to a skilled nursing facility (aka nursing home) for rehab. Once she's stronger she'll go home. In the meantime she'll go to the cancer center for chemo and radiation. She's a determined, faith-filled lady so who's to say she can't beat this?

The other day I was with a few coworkers when one pulled me aside and said, "You still look sad." It wasn't much of an observation and I was taken aback. Aunt Teresa died just 3 weeks ago. Yes, my Grandma is responding well to treatment but she still has terminal cancer. And she expected me to be all sunshine and roses? It's not as if I was acting like a pessimist or sad sap during our meeting. It just blew me away for a few moments until I figured out where her statement was really coming from. She, like many people in my life, needs me to be strong for her. In fact, although I am a good support for my loved ones, unlike most, she expects me to be strong for her. And normally I can do this without a problem. It's not hard to understand why I might not be able to listen to her problems as easily since I think they pale in comparison to what's been going on my life lately. Also most of her problems are her own fault so it is hard to advise someone the same things over and over again, knowing they are not willing to change. Still her words got me thinking about my role in others lives once again and what my expectations are for those around me. It's always easy to say these situations bring out people's true colors or that you find out who your true friends are. It's easy but I think we're lying to ourselves at the same time. Because I know that I have failed my friends in situations where I should have risen to the occasion. I should not be that shocked when human beings act like, well, humans. That's not to say we shouldn't exercise the gift of discernment. I hope that at the same time I can extend the gift of grace.

On another note, who is excited about LOST???? This week's episode was phenomenal- finally a few more answers and of course, a few more questions. All leading to what should be an explosive finale. How on earth will we wait all summer?

I won't comment on the current White Sox situation. They're just breaking my heart and I am struggling to summon my extra reserves of hope. Never fear- we will carry on.

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