Friday, June 22, 2007
Could I be any happier that the work week is over?
Work has sucked this week, from the lack of motivation to disappointing responses from coworkers. I cannot fault my coworkers who told some of my patients and their families that my grandma had died- they had somewhat of a right to know where I've been the last couple of weeks- but it was disconcerting to face their condolences when I am trying my hardest to stay strong for them. Not an easy thing to do when Grandma is brought up first thing but I'm doing the best I can. I can fault several coworkers who have risked the wrath of Leigh this week however. My anger is justified but I'm keeping my mouth shut because we do not want this volcano to explode. (Is it strange to be this self aware of my grief reactions?) Anyway, prime example of idiot coworker #1...Before the funeral service he (a chaplain no less) came up to me and said, "You know, there are 7 priests participating in the service...I'm sure we could work out something for you to be welcomed back to the Church" (his attempt to joke about me converting to Catholicism). My family was all around me, most of whom are devout Catholics and I pray they did not hear him because they would not find it funny. Oh, and did I mention it was right before her funeral? I was so pissed off! How much more inappropriate could he be? I soon found out on Wednesday after our social service team meeting. He looked at me and said, "What? You didn't bring the leftovers from your Grandma's luncheon?" I just shut down to avoid nuclear meltdown. All this from people who work in hospice! I could go on but it's just a pointless exercise. Some coworkers have been great, like Beth and Vickie, so I try to keep that at the forefront. I swear, if someone offered me a new job today I'd probably take it. In the meantime, mom is encouraging me to do this work in honor of Grandma. I know Grandma was really proud of the field I chose to work in- she was practically the original hospice caregiver with all the many sick people she took care of during the course of her lifetime. For now, I'm just praying God will give me enough strength to get through the day without exploding or bursting into tears. If I can just look and act like a professional, then maybe it won't matter how I feel.