Monday, June 09, 2008

A year in review

Tomorrow will be the one year anniversary of Grandma's death. In some ways, I feel like the anniversary should have been over the weekend. She died at 12:27 am Sunday morning. I had been prepared to stay up with her Saturday night, giving her the medications she needed and making sure she stayed comfortable. It's such semantics to say she died on June 10. She was dying the whole week, slowly slipping away from us. And yet, she was my grandmother even on her last day of consciousness. She woke up Friday afternoon briefly. When I asked her if she needed anything, she said, "No, I've got you." That was Grandma. Friday night she said her last words- instructing us to sing Happy Birthday to my cousin Zack. She died about 27 hours later.

I'll be honest. It was a little hard to sing during church, as I thought about what I was doing at that time a year ago. Last summer was difficult for obvious and not so obvious reasons. I think I've come a long way since then but I am forever changed by this loss. Grandpa is still at Marianjoy for rehab so tomorrow our family will gather there to remember Grandma. I'm not sure that I want to go. I love being with my family. I want to pay my respects to my Grandma. Right now, the thought of a formal reflection time makes me unbearably sad. Still, I will go. I know it will mean a lot to Grandpa and to my mom. I will be with the people who understand exactly what I'm feeling. I will continue to learn what it means to praise God through our trials. And I will continue to remember Grandma and the ways that she blessed and impacted my life.

No comments: