Sunday, May 02, 2010

Reactions

Just two and a half weeks to go at work, only to be summoned for jury duty tomorrow.  While I'm normally all about civic duty, the timing could not be worse!  Oh well.  I'm hoping I'll get to sit there and read my book all day and then be dismissed.  Things are moving along at breakneck speed now.  The to-do list never seems to end.  I still need to set up my utilities and renters insurance, figure out banks, and buy all sorts of things for the new place.  Plus, divvying up what's mine vs. my roommate's in our apartment.  Plus, see all my patients one or two last times so that whichever MSW takes them over doesn't need to worry about May visits.  I had hoped that by giving 5 weeks notice, maybe just maybe they would hire someone to replace me before I left.  Wishful thinking, I know, but I even had a candidate in mind which I presented to my director before I gave notice.  Unfortunately, all kinds of changes are going down in the office and I think finding my replacement has gone to the bottom of their list.  I did my part to try to avoid screwing my coworkers over.  The May visits are the very least I can do now.

It's strange to be moving and not know where I'll be working.  My parents so did not raise me this way.  You always have a job lined up before you quit the job you have.  And yet, I am so glad to be taking this leap of faith.  If I had renewed my lease, then I would have missed out on interviewing for my dream job.  Even if I'm not offered the position, I feel like those interviews were a blessing from God and feel such assurance that something will work out. Truthfully, part of me is looking forward to a break.  I'll find out about the pediatric social work position after I move so I might not have much of a break before orientation starts.  (And I'm so excited about the position that I won't mind!) 

Coworkers and patients/families alike have been sad about my news but overall so excited for me.  Some people have talked about the roads they never traveled, and so maybe in some ways, they are living vicariously through my crazy adventure.  My Bucket List patient and his wife are so sad and keep telling me what a difference I've made in their lives.  His wife particularly seems lost- she relies so heavily on our weekly sessions.  On the other hand, they are my biggest cheerleaders and want to throw a little send off party for me.  The daughter of one of my favorite patients teasingly asked me how my move would affect my weekly visits.  And the patient himself asks me each week if I'm still planning on running off on him, then says he's going to keep telling me stories until I change my mind.  I'm trying to set up follow up for my bereavement kiddos and that seems to be falling into place. The bereavement coordinator asked me "Who's going to work with all our kids now?"  I had no answer for her- the program has largely been on hold, outside of what I'm able to accommodate, since she took over her role a year ago.  There are a couple of Just 4Kidz volunteers waiting in the wings though and I feel the program is in their good hands now.

I keep getting assigned new patients (hopefully I can put my foot down on that this week) and it is difficult to do my assessment and build rapport with them, only to tell them that I've resigned from my position and a new MSW will follow them after I leave.  Most of these families have been truly disappointed and I get where they're coming from.  It's hard enough for me to get to know them and know that I won't be able to see this through.  It seems unnecessarily cruel when patients and families have enough to deal with. 

On Friday I sat down after I finished my end of month charting and tried to divvy up my caseload.  Is it horrible to feel that with certain patients/families, no one else will be able to come close to me?  I'm not so naive or arrogant to think that no one can do as good a job as me...I just want my patients to have the best.  The other social workers are great but we all have such different styles that I worry/wonder how they will connect to some of the people I'll be giving them.  It's out of my hands though. 

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